How do I handle this situation?

Sounds like you need to work on your approach. You said, "If I am upset and I try and tell my husband what is bothering me (lately its been how incredible selfish he is)...". Sure, if my husband came to me and said how selfish I've been recently, I'm going to be upset and its going to turn into a fight. Approach it differently, and don't cast all the blame on him. Talk about things instead of accusing him of being selfish.